Frostbite Chapter 17

SeventeenWHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE doing? she demanded. Her voice was still too shoddy as far as I was concerned.Nothing, I- Excuse us, Lord Ivashkov, she growled. Then, equivalent I was five years previous(a), she grabbed me by my arm and jerked me bring out of the mode. bubbly sloshed out of my glass and splashed onto the locomotert of my primp.What do you forecast youre doing? I exclaimed, once we were out in the hall. Mournfully, I looked mess at my dress. This is silk. You could switch ruined it.She grabbed the champagne flute and set it lot on a nearby t equal. Good. Maybe itll stop you from dressing up same(p) a cheap whore.Whoa, I express, shocked. Thats kind of harsh. And where do you get mutilate turning motherly all of a sudden? I gestured to the dress. This isnt just now cheap. You thought it was nice of Tasha to give it to me.Thats because I didnt expect you to wear it out with Moroi and make a spectacle of yourself.Im not making a spectacle of myself. An d eachway, it covers everything up.A dress that tight might as well be showing everything, she retorted. She, of course, was habilimented in guardian black tailored black linen knee breeches and a matching blazer. She had a hardly a(prenominal) curves of her throw, but the clothing hid them. particularly when youre with a group like that. Your bodysconspicuous. And coquet with Moroi doesnt in reality help.I wasnt flirting with him.The accusation made me angry because I felt Id been on rightfully good behavior lately. I used to flirt all the time- and do other things- with Moroi guys, but after a few talks and unmatched embarrassing incident with Dimitri, Id realized how stupid that was. Dhampir girls did have to be too-c atomic number 18ful with Moroi guys, and I kept that in mind all the time now.Something diminutive occurred to me. Besides, I said mockingly, isnt that what Im supposed to do? Hook up with a Moroi and further my race? Its what you did.She glowered. Not w hen I was your age.You were only a few years older than me.Dont do anything stupid, Rose, she said. Youre too young for a baby. You dont have the life deliver for it- you havent even lived your own life yet. You wont be able to do the kind of job you give care you could.I groaned, mortified. Are we really even discussing this? How did we go from me allegedly flirting to suddenly having a lot? Im not having sex with him or anyone else, and even if I were, I get laid about birth control. Why are you talking to me like Im a child?Because you act like one. It was remarkably like what Dimitri had told me.I glared. So youre passage to send me to my room now?No, Rose. She suddenly looked tired. You dont have to go to your room, but dont go back in at that place, either. Hopefully you didnt draw too a great deal attention.You make it sound like I was giving a lap dance in there, I told her. I just had dinner party with Lissa.Youd be surprised what things can spark rumors, she warned . curiously with Adrian Ivashkov.With that, she turned and headed send clear up down the hall. Watching her, I felt anger and resentment have a fit through me. Overreact much? I hadnt do anything wrong. I knew she had her in all blood-whore paranoia, but this was extreme, even for her. Worst of all, shed dragged me out of there, and several people had witnessed it. For mortal who supposedly didnt necessity me attracting attention, shed kind of messed that one up.A couple of Moroi whod been stand up near Adrian and me walked out of the room. They glanced in my direction and then whispered aboutthing as they passed.Thanks, Mom, I muttered to myself.Humiliated, I stalked come to in the opposite direction, not really sure where I was going. I headed out toward the back of the lodge, remote from all the activity.The hall eventually ended, but a door star to some stairs sat on the left. The door was unlocked, so I followed the stairs upward to another door. To my pleasure, it opened up onto a downcast rooftop deck that didnt appear to see much use. A blanket of speed of light lay over it all, but it was early morning out here, and the sunbathe shone brightly, making everything glitter.I brushed ascorbic acid off of a large, box-like mark that looked to be part of the ventilation system. Heedless of my dress, I sat down on it. Wrapping my arms around myself, I stared off, taking in the view and the sun I rarely got to enjoy.I was startled when the door opened a few minutes later. When I looked back I was even more startled still to see Dimitri emerge. My heart gave a small flutter, and I turned away, unsure what to think. His boots crunched in the snow as he walked over to where I was sitting. A moment later, he took off his long coat and draped it over my shoulders.He sat down beside me. You must be freezing.I was, but I didnt want to film it. The suns out.He tipped his head back, looking up at the unadulterated blue sky. I knew he missed the sun as much as I did sometimes. It is. entirely were still on a plentifulness in the middle of winter.I didnt answer. We sat there in a comfortable silence for a while. Occasionally, a light wind blew clouds of snow around. It was night for Moroi, and most would be going to bed soon, so the ski runs were quiet.My life is a disaster, I finally said. Its not a disaster, he said automatically.Did you follow me from the party?Yes.I didnt even know you were there. His tenebrific clothes indicated he must have been on guardian profession at the party. So you saw the illustrious Janine cause a upset by dragging me out.It wasnt a commotion. Hardly anyone find. I saw because I was watching you.I refused to let myself get excited over that. Thats not what she said, I told him. I might as well have been work a corner as far as she was concerned.I relayed the conference from the hallway.Shes just upset about you, Dimitri said when I finished.She overreacted.Sometimes mothers are overpr otective.I stared at him. Yeah, but this is my mother. And she didnt seem that protective, really. I think she was more worried Id embarrass her or something. And all that becoming-a-mother-too-young stuff was stupid. Im not going to do anything like that.Maybe she wasnt talking about you, he said.to a greater extent silence. My jaw fell open.You dont have the life experience for it- you havent even lived your own life yet. You wont be able to do the kind of job you wish you could.My mom had been twenty when I was born. Growing up, that had always seemed really old to me. But nowthat was only a few years off for me. Not old at all. Did she think shed had me too soon? Had she done a shoddy job raising me simply because she didnt know any better at the time? Did she regret the way things had turned out between us? And was it was it maybe possible that shed had some personal experience of her own with Moroi men and people spreading rumors about her? I had transmitted a lot of her feat ures. I mean, Id even noticed tonight what a nice figure she had. She had a pretty face, too- for a nearly forty-year-old, I mean. Shed probably been really, really good-looking when she was younger.I sighed. I didnt want to think about that. If I did, I might have to valuate my relationship with her- maybe even acknowledge my mother as a real person- and I already had too many relationships stressing me. Lissa always worried me, even though she seemed to be okay for a change. My so-called dream with mason was in shambles. And then, of course, there was Dimitri.We arent fighting right now. I blurted out.He gave me a sidelong look. Do you want to fight?No. I hate fighting with you. Verbally, I mean. I dont mind in the gym.I thought I detected the hint of a smile. Always a half-smile for me. Rarely a full one. I dont like fighting with you either. school term next to him there, I marveled at the warm and happy emotions springing up internal of me. There was something about univer se around him that felt so good, that locomote me in a way Mason couldnt. You cant force deal, I realized. Its there or it isnt. If its not there, youve got to be able to admit it. If it is there, youve got to do any(prenominal) it get tos to protect the ones you love.The next lyric poem that came out of my mouth astonished me, both(prenominal) because they were completely unselfish and because I actually meant them.You should take it.He flinched. What?Tashas offer. You should take her up on it. Its a really great chance.I remembered my moms words about creation ready for children. I wasnt. Maybe she hadnt been. But Tasha was. And I knew Dimitri was too. They got along really well. He could go be her guardian, have some kids with her it would be a good deal for both of them.I never expected to hear you say anything like that, he told me, voice tight. Especially after- What a bitch Ive been? Yeah. I tugged his coat tighter against the cold. It smelled like him. It was intoxica ting, and I could half-imagine being wrapped in his embrace. Adrian might have been onto something about the power of scent. Well. handle I said, I dont want to fight anymore. I dont want us to hate each other. Andwell I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them. No matter how I feel about us I want you to be happy.Silence yet again. I noticed then that my chest hurt.Dimitri reached out and put his arm around me. He pulled me to him, and I rested my head on his chest. Roza, was all he said.It was the starting line time hed really touched me since the night of the lust charm. The practice room had been something different more animal. This wasnt even about sex. It was just about being close to someone you cared about, about the emotion that kind of connection fill up you with.Dimitri might run off with Tasha, but I would still love him. I would probably always love him.I cared about Mason. But I would probably never love him.I sighed into Dimitri, just compliments I could sta y like that forever. It felt right being with him. And- no matter how much the thought of him and Tasha made me ache- doing what was best for him felt right. Now, I knew, it was time to stop being a coward and do something else that was right. Mason had said I needed to learn something about myself. I just had.Reluctantly, I pulled away and handed Dimitri his coat. I stood up. He regarded me curiously, sensing my unease.Where you going? he asked.To break someones heart, I replied.I admired Dimitri for a heartbeat more- the dark, crafty eyes and silken hair. Then I headed inside. I had to apologize to Masonand tell him thered never be anything between us.